I was walking behind a woman in the grocery store the other day. She had a very tired, very grumpy little girl in her arms. The little girl was crying and whining about something I couldn't understand. Apparently Mom couldn't understand either. She patiently and calmly said to her daughter: "Use words. I can't understand you." Instantly, the little girl switched from whining to speaking. She was able to communicate to Mom that her shoes were too tight, Mom remedied the situation, and both were happy.
I was so impressed! I wanted to stop and tell the woman what a great job she was doing, but thought that might be a bit unwelcome from a stranger. I wish more parents told their kids what they wanted them to do instead of telling them to quit it, or shape up, or act right.
How exactly do you shape up? Act right? And what exactly do you want the child to stop? How do THEY know what you want them to stop? And wouldn't it be so much easier if they instead were instructed what TO DO instead of what to stop doing?
These same principles apply to teaching your dogs, as well. If you want your dog to stop jumping, tell them to sit instead. They can't sit and jump at the same time. Teach them how to sit, reward them heavily for sitting, and then ask them to sit instead of jumping. Problem solved! No yelling, no reprimanding, no frustration. Done!
Does your dog pull on the leash? Quit wasting your time telling them to stop pulling or correcting them every time they get to the end of the leash. Start teaching them how to walk with a slack leash. Again, use lots of really good rewards when the leash is slack (think: grilled chicken or steak) and before you know it, you'll have a velcro dog – he'll be attached to your pant leg!
Next time you hear yourself saying no or stop, think about what you'd like the dog (kid, husband, co-worker, whatever) to do instead. Teach them how to do the new behavior if necessary, then be ready to ask for the new behavior and heavily reward it when you see it. In no time at all, you'll be living with less yelling, less complaining, less stress! Guaranteed!
great article! I can see Mom’s lightbulb going off in her head now…you see, I’ve been starting to act a lil bit grumpy when I meet an intact male. I’m neutered, so maybe I’m just jealous, but Mom says I’m actin like a butthead and its gotta stop. She thinks your article could be just the thing…redirect and make me think of sumthing else besides being snarky with that dumb boy dog! Oh yeah, and lots of praise & t-bones steaks for when I greet another dog properly!
wags, wiggles & slobbers
Murphydog
We TOTALLY use this with the kids! We tell them once, “use words – I can’t understand you when you’re crying.” When they stop crying and we’ve figured everything out, we say, “thank you for telling me in a grown-up way what was wrong” to reinforce that response.
Some would say this is a coddling way to deal with a crying child, but it’s proven so effective we just can’t deny it’s usefulness.
Husbands, huh? I’m going to have to try this with the dogs, the kid, AND the husband! Great advice!
So important and so lost to too many people!
At one time I was a nanny in England to a 2 year old girl. She knew one word and one word only “no”. That’s all one would ever hear in the house.
It is so much easier on everybody if they all know what they SHOULD do, instead of what they shouldn’t. Because even if you know what you shouldn’t do it doesn’t provide any clues as to what you should.
Just wanted to let you know that I’m enjoying the videos; specifically the gerenuk. Very impressive.