I look at the dog, straining against the leash. I can read his mind: "Oh, if this leash weren't clipped, I'd be gone. Free. On my own!"
Another dog stands quietly, tethered to his humans, staring silently out the window. He responds to their cues, mostly, but doesn't have fun doing it. He looks away from them or – when they put their face in his – he politely looks right through them, as if he doesn't even see them.
Neither dog thinks very much of his person. Their worlds do not intersect, save for the fact that they happen to occupy the same house.
It's hard for me to see dogs this detached from their people. Because I know how rich a dog-person friendship can be. I know how fulfilling each can be for the other.
The dogs I described above have no connection with their people. They're not on the same page. They don't find their people exciting, interesting, or even likable.
Take a look at the picture: that's Nemo, sans leash, enjoying a quiet moment at Lake Anna with my husband. They're just hanging out together, enjoying the sunshine, taking in a moment. Both are enjoying the day – and each other's company.
Stop for a moment and think: what would your dog do if he slipped his collar and were free to go wherever he wanted? Would he take off without a glance over his shoulder at you? Would he take a few steps, then wait for you to catch up? Maybe he'd dart out 100 yards, then rush back to you, excited to begin exploring his new found freedom with you?
You want your dog to care about you: where you are and what you're doing. You want them to want to be with you, not count the seconds until you walk out the door.
How do you create a relationship, a connection, with your dog? Just like you would with a person. Find out what interests them, what their idea of fun is. Spend time just watching your dog…at rest, at play, all the time. Do you know if your dog likes his ears rubbed or his tummy rubbed? Which one does he prefer? Did you know that some dogs don't like being petted. Is your dog one of those? Have you ever stopped to watch your dog when you pet him to see if he's really enjoying it or merely tolerating it?
Spend some time with your dog, just hanging out together. I don't mean multi-task and pet your dog while you're watching tv. Nope, that's not nearly good enough. I want you to take 15 minutes and just be with your dog. Watch him, pet him, interact.
I'll write more about this topic in my next post. I've got to go outside and hang out with the dogs.
Love this post! When we’re on walks, or just hanging out in the house, or visiting with a friend and Sadie comes bounding or sauntering up to me, I melt. As a puppy Sadie seemed somewhat detached. I worried that I’d never have a relationship with her, that I’d always be pining away for my dog who was off in Sadieland. But, no more. She’s not a cuddle-bumpkin, but she has learned to love pets and asks for them. I never turn her down.
Deborah,
Yes, isn’t it nice when the dogs *want* to know what you’re up to? When they *want* your attention? I love it. Some dogs, like my Lily, don’t actually enjoy petting, but she does like to be touching me wherever I am. The relationship is there even though she’s not a cuddler. Even though *I* would love to cuddle with her, it’s not her thing, so I’m happy enough just having her lay on my feet. 🙂 Thanks for sharing about Sadie.
Do I love my mom? YES! I love sitting on her lap or lying across her or pressed up against her on the bed. I look to her to see if startling things should be scary or not. I cover her with kisses whenever her face is in reach.
Do I follow her around the house? Sometimes I like to be in the same room with her. Sometimes I like to be next to her. Sometimes I bring her a ball or a toy to play with. But I am a dog who lives in his own world. I have better things to do during the day than worry about what Mommy is up to. There are squirrels, birds and cats to watch. Smells to smell. Dead things to eat.
If I were off leash where would I be? Gone. Chasing, sniffing, eating, running. But come nightfall I’d get worried because I wouldn’t know where Mommy was.
Mommy knows that I will never be a totally attentive dog. It isn’t in my nature, but she also knows that I will always jump at the chance for a hike, a walk, a car ride or any activity which will allow me to watch, chase, or eat the world around us, and she is fine with that.
Merlin, thanks for commenting. I appreciate hearing from readers! The first dog in my post definitely loved his mom. But only when there wasn’t something else more exciting around. He still loved her, of course, but would gladly leave her side to go investigate the world. She was, in his mind, the barrier that kept him from exploring.
My dogs want to chase the squirrel, smell the dead stuff, and watch the birds — *with me.* If they can’t do it with me, then it’s just not as exciting. That’s what I mean when I say relationship. It’s not that my dogs *don’t* want to do that stuff, they just don’t want to do it without me.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Betty
http://smallpet.info
Siberian Husky?
My dog, Sadie-Mae is so wonderful, I love her so very much. She is a 90 pound Golden Retriever. She found me, she came running down the road with a chewed rope dangling from her neck. So, I talked to her, played, patted and she came with me, holding on to the rope.
She was at home 1st moment she came in the home.
I did take her to a vet, had her checked over and scanned. She was chipped but the original owner said they had given her away and had no further information. I was told by the vets office who contacted the chip place that her Name was SADIE, she was 5 years old and that there was recent activity noted on her chip info. ??? It was from another veterinarian in the area. No way to know if it was an appointment for Sadie…we couldn’t find the name of the Vet..so we put flyers everyplace around and out of town. I even called the human society, dog shelters, posted her photo just about every place imaginable. That was a year ago. I look over at her and she has my pillow and curled up like a little, well in her case a large puff ball sound asleep on the end of the sofa where I set and sleep on occasion.
While out walking her she will try to lunge out at other dogs and sometimes people. She has tripped me after we rescued her and I did break my hip and pelvis bones. However, no surgery as they were both hairline fractures. Thank GOD! I had to put her in our wonderful neighborhood kennel for two weeks, she had day care and 2 one on one 20 minutes walks everyday. I healed pretty well..and fast.
Anyway, why does she do this? what can I do? When this happens and it does everyday if there is other dogs out for walks and she sees, hears or smells them..she gets so strong and barks so loud, no growling though. What do I do to try to stop her of this behavior? Just 3 days ago I took my son to the market and while he was shopping I took Sadie on a leash (always on a leash or she WILL RUN, RUN-AWAY,ALWAYS, IF NOT LEASHED)Another two dogs walking and they were with a man and woman together..Sadie barking and I am looking for a tree I can hang on to…the dogs and people approach and the woman says, no lets let them smell each other..sadie wasn’t interested in the small dog, just the big-boxer. Well, she sniffed, they all sniffed and sniffed..no wadding tails but you could tell the situation turned calmer. Sadie just walked on…
Like I said Sadie is sweet, kind. not agressive in any other situation I have had her in.
I love her deeply as does our entire family.
Can you help me?