Talos is oblivious to the changes heading his way.
This is the worst part of raising a service dog. The goodbye. It would be less painful to rip my heart out and jump up and down on it.
As soon as I got the news, my mind was racing trying to figure a way to keep him just a few months longer. Maybe I could keep the new puppy AND Talos until September. Maybe they could find someone else to raise the new puppy so I could hold onto Talos longer.
Finally, my maddeningly logical husband told me I was just making it worse by dragging it out that way. That I should rip the bandage quickly, not prolong my agony. Just let him go, he said.
Easier said than done.
I hope there aren't too many typos – I can't see the screen for all the tears at the moment. Give me a few days, I'll put on my big-girl pants and will recover. Slightly. I hope.
I always wonder what the dog thinks when so much changes. Does he wonder where we are? Does he think we abandoned him? Will he be happy? How will they know exactly what each grunt or sigh or woof means? Will they know to rub him under his chin? Will they be able to help him if he's startled? Will they appreciate him putting their head in his mouth (I happen to love it).
Oh dear. This is going to be a rough day.
Beth Schillaci says
Hang in there. You continue to do such an important service even knowing the pain you must go through. I have so much respect for you. I’m not sure I could ever be that strong. Talos knows how much you love him and knows you would never abandon him.
I’m sad hearing this news too. We have watched him grow via this blog, Twitter and our Chamber events. I hope we can have a farewell Tweetup š
Sending hugs…
Laurie Luck says
Thanks, Beth. I appreciate your kindness. It’s so hard to give this big guy back. Harder than any dog that has come before. We will definitely have a farewell Tweetup. What a great idea.
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
I’m surprised you don’t get to interact more with the new family, and get your questions answered (and share your knowledge with the new handler). Dogs are such emotional creatures, yes, I do think it would seem like abandonment if you just turn over the puppy and walk away. If that’s the set up, that seems like not a good set up. I am surprised by how often I disagree with some of the policies of some service dog organizations. There are some great service dog organizations, but I also had a guy arrive at my gate with his service dog on a prong collar, and he wasn’t allowed to feed any “people food” to his dog, and the dog was just frantic, we let him off-leash and he ran off and hid and didn’t emerge from under the steps for half an hour, and this was a mighty service dog organization.
Lori Bachner Carey says
I feel your pain totally. Fostering dogs has been a part of my life for 10 years now. The senior dogs tend to stay with you for many, many months and those are the ones I truly love to foster. Giving them up is so very hard — that is how I ended up with 5! But “our job” is to get them where they need to be and let them move on. You have done an outstanding job with Talos and he is ready to move on and you are ready to take on your next. I am tearing just writing this — knowing how hard it is. I will also miss him and your write-ups of him.
Good luck to him in his new adventure and my thoughts are with you.
Lori
Laurie Luck says
You are, of course, so right. It IS our job to get them ready for the next step. The logical side of me knows, understands, and accepts that. The emotional side of me is throwing a big old hissy fit right now. Wallowing in my pain and sorrow.
Six months from now, I’ll probably be much better. And will be crazy-proud of Talos and his accomplishments.
Just not right now.
Laurie Luck says
Jenny, Service Dogs of VA is a fabulous organization. Don’t let my emotions steer you wrong. They’re completely clicker — ALL positive. These dogs are loved by the puppy raisers and by everyone in the organization. And by their new families, of course.
But when you hear “your dog” is ready to go onto the next phase, none of that good stuff matters. All you can focus on is your own loss. I’m in that selfish, pitiful place right now. He’ll probably be fine. *I’m* the one who’s a mess!
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
P.S. And I am sorry you feel bad! But my point is, listen to that bad feeling, because it’s a bad sign. On the one hand, I know sometimes it’s considered good for dogs who are being re-homed to spend time in a shelter between homes. That makes them feel insecure and so dogs become more ready/desperate/open to making a new attachment. So, maybe if the dog is going into a institutional training program, and not directly to the new handler, that’s the idea here. But that’s not the only way, and there are much better ways to prepare all involved.
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
Is that his picture? He’s so adorable! People say dogs “live in the present” yet that doesn’t mean they don’t remember the past or that they don’t predict the future! If so, operant conditioning would be impossible! Of course you’ll both be fine, but just as you might be more cautious about bonding as closely with your next pup, it’s likely Talos will be more cautious about bonding with his next handler. He might understandably predict he will get handed off to someone else. And that’s not all positive.
Kevin Bruce says
UGH! I feel for you so much! Especially reading about Talos growing up in this blog and on Twitter, I think we ALL will miss him. CHIN UP! He is going into a good and rewarding life!
Laurie Luck says
Jenny, I’m sure you mean well, but you’re not doing me any good. I feel bad because I’ll miss the dog. Not because anything bad is happening to him. He’s the ninth dog we’ve raised — they’ve all turned out fine. I feel odd defending myself and the amazing service organization…
Mary Kate says
Oh dear! This made me cry! You have been such a great momma to Talos and I don’t think he will ever forget that. You have brought him to experience to many wonderful things, meet so many people and brought joy to so many lives, including mine. It’s an absolute honor to have met, pet, played, and photograph Talos. I feel lucky that I got to see you both so often. I will miss that sweet dopey little face that has become so well known in Frederick. Thank you for all that you do, Laurie, and I know that the next few weeks are going to be very, very tough, but Talos in going on to bigger and better things- to help a girl who really needs it!
Laurie Luck says
Yes, chin up is right. I will have my crumbling moments and I will have my strong moments. Please keep telling me chin up. I need it! He is definitely going to do someone an amazing amount of good. It’s why I keep doing this work… Thanks for your comment – it helps me a lot!
Laurie Luck says
It’s impossible for me NOT to bond closely. It just what I do. It’s good for the dog, it’s good for me. Talos is definitely a smoosh. He’ll bond with a tree if it’ll scratch under his chin and feed him. Again, you’re comments are not pulling me up, but rather dragging me down.
Laurie Luck says
Part of what makes this just a tiny bit easier is knowing I’ve got those beautiful photographs you took. Your pictures capture SO much of the dogs – their thoughts, their mood, their personality…THEM!
Which makes me think I might have to move up our photo session — I think we’re scheduled for late June. If you have earlier availability, let me know. š Thanks so much for doing what YOU do – what would I do without those gorgeous photo’s of Talos? Like the one on this very post?!
Erin - @fidography says
Every time “Turn in” comes around I always wonder why it is I put myself through this, then I open my email, and here all the stories, of how “our” dogs made a difference in someone’s life that day, and remember.
Good luck to Talos and can’t wait to here what he chooses too do with his new career!
Oh and we can’t wait to here about the new puppy!!
Erin & Guide Pup Pompei
Catherine says
Big cyber hugs to you during this time. I have so much awe and respect for you for what you do for others, both the dogs and their humans. You are giving someone the chance to live more independently, that is a huge gift you are able to give. It has been a pleasure getting to know Talos thru Twitter, here and in RL. He has been a wonderful ambassador for his breed and for the program.
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
Think of the way adoption has changed, and so now we have open adoption, where families stay in touch, and so much suffering is prevented and relieved.
Jesse McKinney - Doggie Know says
Laurie
This is a wonderful thing. This just means you have done your job and it’s time for Talos to start the next part of his journey. No dog could ask for more than to have had you as his foster mommy and teacher. You are a kind and wonderful person and have done Talos proud. So, chin up, let Talos shine!
Jesse
http://www.doggieknow.com
http://www.twitter.com/doggieknow
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
Don’t get defensive. All I’m saying is can we make it easier on the dog? Yes. Would making it easier on the dog result in greater canine service potential? Yes.
Murphydog says
omd, you are so incredibly brave and selfless for doing this. Talos is going to make someone incredibly happy, and incredibly self reliant. That couldn’t have happened without you. As sad as you are to see him go, you should be 100 times prouder that you were able to get him ready to go.
he is a beautiful boy and will undoubtedly be missed!
wags, wiggles & double slobbers
Murphydog
Spyder says
All I can say is: Hugs to you & Talos. You do an amazing thing. I could never do it. And having done so many times you must be very good at it since they keep having you do it. Wallow now you have every right. Do you do a little puppy photo album for the person who will be loving Talos next?
KATHY says
I <3 u Laurie.
Laurie Luck says
Jenny, I agree. What parts of the program do you think this organization is doing well?
What parts of the program do you think need improvement?
Laurie Luck says
Erin, you’re so right. THIS part is the hardest. The other stuff is so much fun and so rewarding. Of course, it will ALL be rewarding once I get to see T with his new person and see them working together as a team. Smooches to Pompei!
Laurie Luck says
Thanks Jesse – you’re right: Chin up and let Talos shine. It’s all about him anyway. In six months, when he’s paired up with someone – my chest will then swell with pride.
Laurie Luck says
Murphydog, I sometimes think I’m stupid and selfish! š Stupid because I KNOW this is going to happen every single time. Yet I’m still surprised at how much it hurts. And selfish because, well, I don’t want T to go! š Yet I know the good he’ll do. It’s just a hump and I have to get over it. I will, eventually. š Thanks for your comments, they help me incrementally move myself over that hump!
Laurie Luck says
Every time I find myself in this very spot — informed that turn-in is a reality, I say the same thing “I can’t do this!” But I do, somehow, get through it. Lots of tears, lots of hugging. And Talos is immune to my moods and tears — he just whacks me in the face with his paw or drools all over my head. š Gotta love it.
Laurie Luck says
Be ready to love the heck out of this dog if you get him.
Lisa Kulp says
Dear Laurie,
I’ve been waiting for this moment and my heart has ached at the thought of your separation. This is what you have to do but a little voice in my head says take him and run away. Of course that is nonsense. But perhaps the separation does not have to be complete. Can’t you visit your boy from time to time?
Btw, I’m the one who called KPA about short term training options. But I couldn’t go ahead with the chicken clicker training because work intervened. Maybe later in the year.
In the meantime, you have my utmost sympathy.
Best,
Lisa
Mary Hunter says
I have loved reading about Talos on your blog these past months.
Partings are hard–I get very attached to the rescue horses I work with.
Just think how awesome he’s going to be for some person who needs him! He’ll be able to take them places and help them around and let them do things that weren’t possible before. And I’m sure they will love him dearly and will appreciate all of the time and energy and love that you’ve put into his training.
Mary
Kim says
Laurie,
You’ve done an incredible job with your boy and you wouldn’t be human and he wouldn’t be where he is if you didn’t feel about him what you are feeling right now. He will be a blessing to someone because of you, not only because of the training you have given him, but because of the love you have shown him. My heart aches for you, but it takes a special person to do what you do and as tough as it is right now, know that you have given so much for such a good reason!! There is going to be one more awesome service dog in this world because of you!!!
Jenny Ruth Yasi says
Here’s an interesting cc clip that reminded me of our conversation, so I wanted to share it with you. rom the new CNN.com: Woman ‘did not love’ her adopted child – http://bit.ly/9II1gT #cnn
Yeah, I know it’s about humans, but similarly, we tend to minimize the impacts of rehoming on dogs. We figure since they suck up to everyone, they aren’t traumatized by rehoming. I don’t know your organization well enough to comment on everything they are doing, but in general, I would like to see service dog organizations do more to involve the future partners as much as possible from as early as possible in development, and to minimize abrupt rehomings. In the cnn story, and in many stories, the only option we have is what the interviewed author describes as “the clean-up.” But with service dog puppies, we have the option of eliminating as much as possible that re-homing trauma.
Laurie Luck says
I wonder what specific changes you’d like to see to the way the service dog organization does things. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts.
And also – what do you think the organization is already doing well?